“Give your mind a break from its habitual judging. You form judgments about this situation, that situation, this person, that person, yourself, even the weather—as if judging were your main function in life…When you remain preoccupied with passing judgement, you usurp My role.” ~Sarah Young, Jesus Calling (p. 268)
I’ve long wrestled with the reality that I’m not a good of judge of situations in my life. I classify things as “good” or “bad” but the measure I use really has much less to do with actual good and bad than it does with “pleasant” or “unpleasant.” In my mind,
Unpleasant = Bad
Pleasant = Good
Because of course I want things to be pleasant. And when they’re not, I’ve had a history of shaking my fist at God and questioning Him. As hard as it is to admit, the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that response is indicative of immaturity and entitlement.
I now recognize it’s immaturity because I’ve gone through enough difficulty in my life—that I was angry or self-pitying about at the time—to see the other side of the situation, to see what the pain produced. When I can look back and understand it was for my or someone else’s ultimate benefit, then I finally recognize it as good, even if it was unpleasant. But I judge things prematurely, before I have all the information. And certainly there are times I might never have all the information simply because I don’t have God’s perspective. A judge who knowingly gives verdicts without all the evidence is a lousy judge… a judge undeserving of any authority. I want to grow into being able to call circumstances good even in the midst of them, even when I don’t see or can’t imagine any good coming from them.
That requires admitting my limitations and handing control over to God. Not just in theory, but in the day-to-day, when things get unpleasant. Or worse than that. In the days when my heart is shattered to countless pieces because dreams are dying and I feel powerless to stop it. In the nights I can hardly breathe through the anxiety, and I have to just sit down in the shower and ride out the panic.
But that kind of trust comes from not only knowing God is in absolute control, but also that He’s also good. That He wants good for me. I’m thankful I’m finally starting to actually believe these things I’ve always “known” were true.
Which of them do you struggle with most in trusting God?